Wrecker and the Woman Who Won’t Let Him Touch Anything
The Borrowed River, as told by the investigator with the most underutilised hands.
My account of the incident
We were called to the Bellweather Gallery because somebody had acquired two identical rivers and misplaced the truth. Both paintings claimed to be The River at Vesper, painted by Elian Vale in 1891. One was the gallery’s original. The other had arrived yesterday from an anonymous lender. Then someone mixed up the identification tags during a photography session.
I immediately offered to take a closer look.
Cassie: “Not with your hands.”
Me: “You haven’t heard the proposal.”
Cassie: “I heard the hinge in your elbow.”
The curator authorised front, reverse and conservation-scan inspections. Cassie authorised me to read things. A thrilling day in the arts.
Same case, same underlying evidence. All artists, institutions and technical records are fictional. Everything you need is supplied here. No timer or penalty for reconsidering.
The paperwork she insisted we read
I have condensed the case file. You’re welcome.
- The original dates to 1891. An authenticated 1902 photograph shows a bare upper-left hill.
- A branch was added in a documented 1936 restoration. Apparently even trees have amendments.
- A 1926 conservation photograph records an L-shaped tear behind the lower-left riverbank, repaired with a stitched linen patch.
- Continuous conservation records establish that the original has never been relined or transferred to another canvas.
- The fictional supplier North Quay Textiles introduced its NQ-08 canvas identifier in 2008. It is woven into the fabric itself, not printed on a removable label.
Two suspects. Both suspiciously rectangular.
The illustration above sets the scene. These exhibit selectors open the detailed reports.
West wall
Painting A
East wall
Painting B
My observations
Select an inspection. I will investigate using the approved, tragically non-contact procedures.
My notebook. Not hers.
She checked the spelling. It remains my notebook.
0 / 7 entries
- Nothing recorded. My restraint has gone undocumented.
My devastating conclusion
Collect the case file and all six inspection reports first. Cassie calls this “being thorough”. I call it “delaying the reveal”.